Why loneliness is so common in motherhood (and how to cope)
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Motherhood and loneliness often go hand in hand. Here’s why it’s so common—especially for single moms—and 10 ways to find connection and support.
Many people expect motherhood to be the ultimate bonding experience. Maybe you thought your child would be your “mini,” and every outing with them would feel like a sweet little adventure. Perhaps you imagined a packed social calendar, full of playdates, birthday parties, and school events. Or maybe you just expected motherhood to make you feel more complete.
Except—plot twist—now that you’re a mom, you might feel more alone than ever. Never saw that coming, right?
Motherhood is beautiful, but it can also be incredibly lonely. Friendships can shift, and in the age of social media, it’s easy to feel like the only person whose child doesn’t sleep through the night, refuses to listen, or throws a tantrum every time they’re in public. You might ask yourself what you’re doing wrong — and fantasizing about your life before kids.
If you’ve ever felt a wave of guilt for feeling this way, remember to be kind to yourself. You can have gratitude for your children and also miss who you used to be. You can feel lonely, tired, and sad some days and still think your child is the greatest gift. These feelings aren’t mutually exclusive.
So, let’s talk about why motherhood can feel so isolating and how you can start building connections in a few simple, easy steps.
Why motherhood can feel so lonely
You’d think that constant company—a small friend who follows you into the bathroom, interrupts every phone call, and touches you all the time—would be the antidote to loneliness, but it’s not always the case. For many moms, the 24/7 routine is actually the breeding ground for feeling isolated and alone.
The wildest part is that this isn’t just a newborn baby stage experience. It can hit anyone at any stage of parenting. That’s because loneliness in motherhood isn’t necessarily the result of being physically alone — it comes from feeling unseen, unsupported, or crushed under the weight of it all.
The identity shift is real
You used to just be someone. Now you’re someone’s mom. It’s a wild shift that can leave you wondering where you, the person, fit in.
You may notice that since you became a parent, people are less likely to ask you about your work, your hobbies, and your interests. Instead, conversations tend to revolve around nap schedules, tantrums, and your thoughts on screen time. That loss of identity can leave you feeling disconnected — from others and from yourself.
Your social life has changed
Remember friends? Spontaneous dinners? Conversation that didn’t involve bedtime negotiations? Those may look like relics from the past now.
It’s not that people don’t care — it’s just that life moves at different paces for people with children and those without. Parents may find that their friends without kids stop sending social invites, assuming they’re too busy to attend. And to be fair, many parents end up canceling plans because a kid gets sick, the sitter bails, or something else goes wrong.
Expectations don’t always align with reality
When your baby was first born, friends rallied around you, but after a while, it’s back to their regularly scheduled programming. Having such a huge wave of support followed by that tide receding can make you feel extra-lonely — and maybe even confused about where everybody went.
(Do you have an expectation hangover? Here’s how to find out.)
3 unique challenges for single moms
All moms deal with loneliness at some point, but if you’re a single mom without an active support system, the isolation—and exhaustion—can be even more intense.
While many single moms have friends and family who rally around them, it’s not a given for everyone. In those cases, here are a few ways that single motherhood can feel even more intense.
1. You’re it: You’re the cook, the cleaner, the bedtime enforcer, the morning motivator, the boo-boo kisser, the financial planner, the tantrum negotiator… (you get the point.) There’s no, “Go ask your dad.” It’s just you. All the time.
2. Your “breaks” aren’t really breaks: Even when your kid is at school, with a babysitter, or finally asleep, your brain is still spinning: Did I remember to sign that permission slip? Are the bills all paid? What else do they need? There’s no one to decompress with, no one to say, “Today was hard, huh?” And when things are going especially well, it can be tough not to have someone to share the joy with, too.
3. The pressure is relentless: Parenting never stops, especially for single parents — but even the most organized, motivated mom in the world still needs a few moments to herself each day. When there’s no one else to tag in so you can get a break, you might feel like you’re cracking under the pressure.
How to deal with loneliness as a mother: 10 tips to help you cope
You can love your kids fiercely and still feel lonely. That doesn’t make you ungrateful or a bad mom. It makes you human. And while there’s no magic fix for the kind of sneaky isolation that creeps into motherhood, there are ways to soften its edges. Here are some practical tips to help you cope.
1. Name it without shame
“I’m feeling lonely.” Start by saying it out loud — even just to yourself. That simple act of naming the feeling removes some of its power and helps you stop internalizing it as failure. (It’s not. It’s just a signal that you need connection.)
Try this: Journal it. Text a friend. Say it to your reflection in the bathroom mirror. Give your loneliness a voice, and you’ll start to feel a little less silenced by it.
2. Find your people (yes, online also counts)
After the initial wave of attention and support post-birth, you might notice you have fewer helpful guests, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find connection. Camaraderie can look like a WhatsApp group with other moms in your area, a Reddit thread where someone finally gets your struggle, or even following a few creators on TikTok who make you feel seen and understood.
Try this: Search Facebook for local parenting groups, peek at Peanut (yes, the “Tinder for moms”— don’t knock it till you try it), or join a virtual support circle. Start where you are.
Read more: Having mom friends can be a lifesaver. Here's how to make them.
3. Build mini rituals of connection
You don’t need weekly brunch plans to feel connected. Micro-moments matter — like texting a meme to a friend, FaceTiming a family member while folding laundry, or saying hello to another mom at school drop-off.
Try this: Create one tiny ritual. Morning voice notes with a friend, a weekly check-in with your mom, or five minutes of connection with someone at the park all count.
💙 Explore the Meaningful Practice for Meaningful Friendship series led by Kate Johnson.
4. Carve out “me time” that doesn’t require a babysitter
We know “self-care” can feel ridiculous when you barely have time to wash your hair. But you don’t need a spa day to re-charge. Even just 15 minutes where you’re not being touched or needed can help you feel more like yourself.
Try this: Pop in headphones and listen to your favorite podcast while doing dishes. Take an extra five minutes in the shower (door locked, music on). Reclaim pockets of time and protect them.
💙 Need some motivation? Explore the Radical Self-Care series with Lama Rod Owens.
5. Lower the friendship bar (seriously)
Let go of the idea that every mom-friend you make needs to become your new bestie. Sometimes, you make friends for a season of your life, and that’s okay. Connection doesn’t need to be a new soulmate friend. It can just be someone that offers shared understanding and maybe a few good laughs each day.
Try this: Reach out to a mom acquaintance and say something simple: “Hey, wanna meet up at the playground sometime this week?” You’d be surprised how many moms are waiting for someone else to make the first move. Eager to explore new connections? Check out these 10 tips for making friends as an adult.
6. Use screen time strategically
Is it ideal to plop your kid in front of the TV or iPad so you can text a friend or breathe alone? No. But is it sometimes necessary for your mental health? Yes. So when you need that moment to yourself, let go of the guilt. You’re not a bad mom for using the tools available to you.
Try this: Pick a show that buys you the break you need, then use that time to send a message, journal, breathe, or sit in glorious silence. Your needs matter, too.
7. Talk to a therapist (you can even do it without leaving your house)
Therapy used to mean finding childcare and driving across town but now, it can mean talking to someone from your couch while your kid naps. Take care of yourself in whatever way works for you. Curious if online therapy is effective? Here are seven benefits.
Try this: Explore platforms or local providers offering telehealth. Many specialize in maternal mental health and know that, yes, sometimes you’ll be crying while your kid screams in the background. It’s fine. They’ve seen it all.
8. Move your body — gently and without pressure
Moving your body can break the isolation fog and give your mood a lift. Don’t worry about the intensity — just going for a short walk, doing some gentle stretches, or dancing to your favorite songs can help you feel better fast.
Try this: Step outside once a day, even if it’s just to breathe fresh air in your yoga pants. Movement helps reconnect you to you.
Read more: The quick and effective exercise plan all busy moms need
9. Stop pretending you’re fine when you’re not
Don’t say “I’m good!” when you’re barely holding it together. Vulnerability is truly how real connection happens. When you’re honest, you give other people permission to be honest too, and that can lead to connection.
Try this: Next time someone asks how you’re doing, try saying, “Honestly, kind of lonely lately.” Watch how fast the masks drop. Connection thrives in truth, not perfection.
10. Let yourself be supported
You don’t have to do it all alone. Ask a family member or friend to swing by. Say yes when a friend offers to pick up groceries. Drop the guilt. If you have people in your life who are willing to help you, let them. You’ll be surprised by the difference it can make.
Try this: Make a “help list.” Include a few people you trust and list what they’re good at (talking, driving, bringing coffee). Then, when the loneliness hits, you can make that phone call.
Motherhood and loneliness FAQs
Is it normal to feel lonely as a mom?
Yes. The kind of loneliness that comes with motherhood isn’t just an “I wish I had more friends” feeling. It’s more like an “I’m surrounded by people all day, but no one sees me” kind of feeling. This can affect all moms, too. New moms, seasoned moms, stay-at-home moms, working moms, partnered moms, and especially single moms.
Feeling this way doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re carrying more than any one person was ever meant to hold alone.
How can I find myself again after having kids?
First, you’re still in there. Even if it feels like she’s buried under laundry piles, sleepless nights, and the mental load of a thousand invisible tasks, you haven’t disappeared.
Start small. What did you love before motherhood that still feels like you? What makes you feel grounded, even if just for five minutes? Rebuilding your sense of self isn’t selfish — it’s essential.
Reconnect with the parts of you that light up, and remember to meet yourself where you are in small, practical ways.
How can I feel less lonely as a single mom?
Start by acknowledging that what you’re doing is incredibly hard and that no one is meant to do it entirely alone. From there, look for low-lift ways to build connection.
Join a Facebook group for moms or send that “Hey, want to hang out?” text to a new mom friend. You can even lean into local resources like community centers or school-based events where you might find like-minded parents. You don’t need a massive social circle… just one or two people who get it.
How can I make new friends as a mom?
When making new mom friends, you do have to put yourself out there a little, which can feel tricky when you’re sleep-deprived and overwhelmed. But small efforts add up. Try saying hi to that mom at the playground. Strike up a conversation at preschool pickup. Post in a local mom group that you’re looking to meet someone for coffee or stroller walks.
Most moms are craving connection too, but someone has to go first — and that someone might be you. Start small, keep expectations low, and let the friendship unfold without pressure. Explore these eight mental health benefits of joining a mom group.
Are middle-aged moms more likely to feel lonely?
Middle-aged motherhood often comes with its own perfect storm of isolation. Your kids may be more independent, which should free you up. Instead, it can feel like your purpose is shifting (or disappearing), and no one’s talking about it.
The millennial mom midlife crisis is real. If you think you fit the mold, explore these 10 ways to cope.
Friendships may have drifted, romantic relationships may be strained or ended, and caretaking responsibilities (for kids, aging parents, or both) can pile up. This is a stage where a lot of moms are silently wondering, “Who am I now?” The answer isn’t always immediate, but naming the loneliness, seeking out new sources of connection, and giving yourself permission to change can be the start of something deeper, not the end of something lost.
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